Christmas Eve Coping and Believing

I spent most of yesterday walking around on the verge of tears.  Okay, I went over the verge quite a few times.  Things just felt all wrong--nothing was working out the way it was supposed to work out.

The day and night before had been so promising and full of holiday happiness.

Lulu's impromptu holiday jam session on the piano interrupted by a streaker.  She had no idea and didn't miss a beat.

A busy, chaotic living room.  I love it like this.

Even though we had to cancel our grown up party plans because of sitter issues and Wade having an allergic reaction, we had a nice evening.  The family watched Elf and laughed at all the silliness and joy.  Who doesn't love when Buddy says "I just like to smile, smiling's my favorite."




But the next morning, yesterday, we woke up to discover Wade's allergy was more like a rash and was more like nobody is going to want this kid at a pageant or holiday dinner.

I am not good with change and no control.  That might surprise you because I certainly lack control a lot of times and have no real organizational skills or life plan.  But you see, this chaos that is my life is usually my doing.   I'm fine with no plan as long as I am the one controlling the fact that we have no plan.  Is that confusing?

Bottom line is this: I had an expectation of what Christmas Eve and Christmas was going to be like and the rash f@*&ed it up.  And I lack the coping skills to deal.


My children are so very excited about Christmas that they didn't notice how weepy I was.  They went about the business of being kids two days before Christmas--bickering a little bit, singing Jingle Bells, shaking presents already under the tree, counting the hours until Santa starts his journey across the world, etc.

Sweet JT watching his Santa video.  He's a total believer in the magic of Christmas.

Tim stayed home from church with Wade because of the baby's horrific and most likely terribly contagious rash.  While he was home he made videos with special messages from Santa on Portable North Pole.  It's a really fun site and the videos are amazing and can be personalized.  After church, the kids watched.  They all liked them, but JT LOVED his video.  He loved it like a kid that really believes.  He believes with every ounce of his little being.  He believes in the magic, the wonder, the possibility.  He believes in Santa.

It got me out of my funk for a few minutes.
Then we had a family game night, which was also pretty awesome.

By the end of the day, I was exhausted.  Exhausted from crying and being bummed out and then being happy and hopeful and then being sad that Wade will most likely miss out on the Christmas Eve celebration at the in-laws and I was going to miss out on being a co-Angel of the Lord with Lucy in the pageant.  Waaaa.

I was really ready for the kids to go to bed.  JT asked to sleep on the floor in Lucy's room and we said sure.  Shortly after they went up to bed, Lucy came down to get me.  "JT is crying because he's going to miss Keith Babu," she informed me.  "You better come up."

I found my little guy crying his heart out.  So sad because Keith Babu our homemade Elf-on-the-Shelf (an old wrestling action figure) was leaving to go back to the North Pole tomorrow.  

Turns out I'm not the only one who can't deal with change.  Wait, is that sad/embarrassing that I relate so well with a 6-year-old?

JT has been drawing pictures of his new best friend for the past two weeks.

Bottom line: holidays are emotional, change is hard and my little believer doesn't want his new best elf friend to leave.

Here's a note JT and Lucy left for Keith Babu:

Notice how we all spell Keith Babu's name differently? And how Lucy was trying to get her big brother on the naughty list? Nice.

I sat down next to JT and comforted him.
"Everything is going to be okay," I told him.  "Think about all the happy things that are happening right now," I told him, and myself.  "Don't worry about the things that make you upset, feel good about all the wonderful things."

After a good cry, JT and I will be fine.  
Just like JT, I'm a believer.  I believe that even though I lack coping skills, I will bounce back and feel good about all the wonderful things and make the best of it, for the whole family.

Bottom line: I believe it will be a merry Christmas, hideous rash and all.

Here's the note that Keith Babu (aka Mr. Christmas himself, my husband Tim) left for the kids in response to JT and Lucy's note:

That's pretty wonderful.

Speaking of wonderful things, here is the winner of the Joyful Giveaway sponsored by catching fireflies is Wendy.  
Her beautiful comment was selected by using Random.org.

Wendy

Joy... Hmmm at this very moment is Simplicity. Hugs, tears, giggles, snowdays (school just canceled for tomorrow), Legos, vhs tapes of my old favs that my kids have discovered, believing in Santa and 'elves' living all over the house each night, peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, board games and hot cocoa. Singing Silent night at mass on Christmas eve & holding hands with my husband and children while we recite the Our Father at mass. And Joy may be winning a prize on Monday! Lol

Check out some of the other inspiring comments about joyful moments here.


Merry Christmas Eve everyone!