Last week, we hit the road to go to my sister's for Thanksgiving. It's the first time my sister has hosted since the Thanksgiving my mother fell down the stairs and broke her neck. That was three years ago but it feels like longer.
The last three years have been full of a lot of life, for all of us. My mother's neck healed, but our family remained sort of even more broken than we were before. Because it's complicated, it's all complicated and full of sadness and pain from the past, fear of the future, setting boundaries, moving on, remembering and forgetting, forgiving and protecting ourselves and our children and letting go of expectations and pressure.
It's weird when your family holidays don't look like holidays on TV, even the messed up ones. It's weird to explain to your kids who are older and wiser and ask a lot more questions, why you don't want to get together with family on holidays.
It's hard to explain to others and yourself how you feel guilty because you feel happier when some family members aren't with you on holidays.
So yeah, Thanksgiving has been complicated and weird and hard for the past few years.
My sister and I have even had a pretty complicated few years, but we've worked on some things. We are different from each other, like way different, like yin and yang different. But we know things about life that no one else will know...like what it's like to have our mother for a mother. Even though we react differently and cope differently, we know the same things. We know that it finally felt right to do a Thanksgiving together at her house. And that we both felt pretty strongly that our mother wouldn't be invited. Not everyone gets that, but she and I do. She and I know that sometimes when families and holidays are complicated, weird and hard that it's better and safer and healthier to set boundaries and move on and forgive and not invite mothers.
What we ended up having was a holiday filled with lots of food and talking and hanging out and trying to get our tweens/teens to go to sleep before midnight and shopping and football watching and dancing in the kitchen and more eating and laughing and relaxing. It wasn't complicated or weird or hard and it felt fucking great.
My sister got really into the shopping thing and was looking up deals and checking flyers on Thanksgiving night. I claim to be against such consumerism, but agreed to go along with her. Well, I sort of had the best time. I ended up wishing I had a ton more money so I could buy, buy, buy (so much for my anti-consumerism). I also got the chance to get a latte, get political and dance. So , yeah, I love Black Friday shopping...it's a party!
I picked out a shirt for JT that was reduced like a billion percent and I got in line to buy it. Once I got to the checkout I realized it was from a celebrity that has homophobic relatives that are super vocal and um, I had to respectfully decline to purchase. Boosh! Economic protest. It felt good. Then my sister took me to Lululemon and I couldn't afford even one headband, but they had a DJ and that made me beyond happy. A DJ! So I danced and it was so fun.
It felt like we got to be a normal family having a normal great holiday weekend. Our kids played together, we all played together. Pick up football games in the park, Moms vs. Daughters soccer matches and hours of Stratego and Risk.
Here's to setting boundaries, mending fences, forgetting and remembering, letting go of expectations and pressure, not inviting toxic family members, eating lots of food, dancing in the kitchen, playing games and talking and laughing and shopping and enjoying holidays. Here's to Thanksgivings not having to be complicated, weird and hard.
The last three years have been full of a lot of life, for all of us. My mother's neck healed, but our family remained sort of even more broken than we were before. Because it's complicated, it's all complicated and full of sadness and pain from the past, fear of the future, setting boundaries, moving on, remembering and forgetting, forgiving and protecting ourselves and our children and letting go of expectations and pressure.
It's weird when your family holidays don't look like holidays on TV, even the messed up ones. It's weird to explain to your kids who are older and wiser and ask a lot more questions, why you don't want to get together with family on holidays.
It's hard to explain to others and yourself how you feel guilty because you feel happier when some family members aren't with you on holidays.
So yeah, Thanksgiving has been complicated and weird and hard for the past few years.
My sister and I have even had a pretty complicated few years, but we've worked on some things. We are different from each other, like way different, like yin and yang different. But we know things about life that no one else will know...like what it's like to have our mother for a mother. Even though we react differently and cope differently, we know the same things. We know that it finally felt right to do a Thanksgiving together at her house. And that we both felt pretty strongly that our mother wouldn't be invited. Not everyone gets that, but she and I do. She and I know that sometimes when families and holidays are complicated, weird and hard that it's better and safer and healthier to set boundaries and move on and forgive and not invite mothers.
What we ended up having was a holiday filled with lots of food and talking and hanging out and trying to get our tweens/teens to go to sleep before midnight and shopping and football watching and dancing in the kitchen and more eating and laughing and relaxing. It wasn't complicated or weird or hard and it felt fucking great.
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| This is the best car I've ever seen on any highway anywhere. It is what some people might call fly or dope. And by some people, I mean me! |
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| My brother-in-law's love language is baking and I think that is kind of awesome. |
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| Go Lions! |
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| It's just kind of crazy that my sister and I are mothers to all of these big kids. |
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| My sister does not have a very large social media presence at all...I call her the white shadow of Facebook because we NEVER see her. I was teaching her to take selfies while avoiding post-Thanksgiving dinner clean up. |
My sister got really into the shopping thing and was looking up deals and checking flyers on Thanksgiving night. I claim to be against such consumerism, but agreed to go along with her. Well, I sort of had the best time. I ended up wishing I had a ton more money so I could buy, buy, buy (so much for my anti-consumerism). I also got the chance to get a latte, get political and dance. So , yeah, I love Black Friday shopping...it's a party!
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| Love this flask at Francesca's. |
I picked out a shirt for JT that was reduced like a billion percent and I got in line to buy it. Once I got to the checkout I realized it was from a celebrity that has homophobic relatives that are super vocal and um, I had to respectfully decline to purchase. Boosh! Economic protest. It felt good. Then my sister took me to Lululemon and I couldn't afford even one headband, but they had a DJ and that made me beyond happy. A DJ! So I danced and it was so fun.
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| My real dream job, seriously. |
There was nothing complicated, weird or hard about Black Friday shopping either.
It felt like we got to be a normal family having a normal great holiday weekend. Our kids played together, we all played together. Pick up football games in the park, Moms vs. Daughters soccer matches and hours of Stratego and Risk.
Here's to setting boundaries, mending fences, forgetting and remembering, letting go of expectations and pressure, not inviting toxic family members, eating lots of food, dancing in the kitchen, playing games and talking and laughing and shopping and enjoying holidays. Here's to Thanksgivings not having to be complicated, weird and hard.
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| Sums up the weekend. |
Here's to an amazing beginning of a holiday season! <3
ReplyDeleteSo, I want to be in your family. Here's to embracing what works for US. ::clinks glass::
ReplyDeleteWhat a joyous family you have. xo
ReplyDelete