Right now I feel a little bit like I'm living that old (ish) Madonna song Ray of Light. Life is moving all quick and crazy and it's a blur of activity and faster than a ray of light. And man, I feel like I just got home like Madge sings and then we go again.
(Click here to watch the video.)
It's not horrible, I mean it's mostly good. I've got myself a universe (like in the song, remember?) and a full life and a family that I love.
But here's the thing, I want to do so much, I want to do everything. I want to play with the kids, talk to them, parent them. I want to do all the crafts on Pinterest and bake cakes. I want to watch movies and reality TV shows. I want to chill out and do nothing. I want to go on date nights with my husband. I want to produce a kick ass storytelling show. I want to dance in my kitchen and everywhere. I want to be in the moment and be reading posts from celebrities on Twitter. I want to stay up late and sleep in. Ahhhhhh!!!!
There's so much to do.
The other day, as I was racing from one place and to the next, I fell down the stairs. My boots were wet and I slipped. I came down hard on my left elbow. Even though it happened so fast, I intentionally held up my head and my phone because duh, I didn't want a broken phone and a concussion. No one was home when I fell, the kids were at school and Tim was at work. I sat at the bottom of the stairs crying. I cried because I was scared and because my elbow hurt and because I realized I can't do it all.
I am stubborn and optimistic, some might say childish and ridiculous and somewhat manic, but I really want to do all the things in life. The other day after the fall in a moment of self-pity, I was feeling sad and overwhelmed. Tim asked what he could do to help. "Give me more hours in a day," I said smiling.
Sometimes I need a big wake-up call like falling down the stairs. It happened once before, years ago. I was wanting to do all the things in life. I was a much younger mom with only one child and a full-time job. After working late, I went racing out the door and yup down the stairs to get to the daycare before it closed. And yup, I fell down the stairs face first. Luckily, as with my most recent fall, I wasn't hurt too badly then either. Just a few cuts and scrapes and the same sort of "um, you need to slow down and pay attention, especially on stairs, and not try to do all the things" message from the universe.
I can do all the things, I just may not be able to do them all right now. Some things will have to give a little, like sleeping in and maybe the cakes and following celebrities on Twitter. Maybe, but I love celebrities on Twitter. Ha!
Having passion and joy and desire are good things, I just need to slow it down a little bit, and take the elevator when that's an option. And just like the old (ish) Madonna song, I need to remember where it all began and that I have a little piece of heaven waiting for me at home and they love me no matter what.
(Click here to watch the video.)
It's not horrible, I mean it's mostly good. I've got myself a universe (like in the song, remember?) and a full life and a family that I love.
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| We are gathered here together to get through this thing called life...those are lyrics from a Prince song. Lol. My family loves the game of Life. I hate it, but love that they play together. |
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| I want Lucy to love sports, I'm not convinced she does and that's okay. I just wish she liked sports because it's not something I did as a kid and it looks so fun to be part of a team. |
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| I love that JT titled his science fair project "Balloon Party." |
But here's the thing, I want to do so much, I want to do everything. I want to play with the kids, talk to them, parent them. I want to do all the crafts on Pinterest and bake cakes. I want to watch movies and reality TV shows. I want to chill out and do nothing. I want to go on date nights with my husband. I want to produce a kick ass storytelling show. I want to dance in my kitchen and everywhere. I want to be in the moment and be reading posts from celebrities on Twitter. I want to stay up late and sleep in. Ahhhhhh!!!!
There's so much to do.
The other day, as I was racing from one place and to the next, I fell down the stairs. My boots were wet and I slipped. I came down hard on my left elbow. Even though it happened so fast, I intentionally held up my head and my phone because duh, I didn't want a broken phone and a concussion. No one was home when I fell, the kids were at school and Tim was at work. I sat at the bottom of the stairs crying. I cried because I was scared and because my elbow hurt and because I realized I can't do it all.
I am stubborn and optimistic, some might say childish and ridiculous and somewhat manic, but I really want to do all the things in life. The other day after the fall in a moment of self-pity, I was feeling sad and overwhelmed. Tim asked what he could do to help. "Give me more hours in a day," I said smiling.
Sometimes I need a big wake-up call like falling down the stairs. It happened once before, years ago. I was wanting to do all the things in life. I was a much younger mom with only one child and a full-time job. After working late, I went racing out the door and yup down the stairs to get to the daycare before it closed. And yup, I fell down the stairs face first. Luckily, as with my most recent fall, I wasn't hurt too badly then either. Just a few cuts and scrapes and the same sort of "um, you need to slow down and pay attention, especially on stairs, and not try to do all the things" message from the universe.
I can do all the things, I just may not be able to do them all right now. Some things will have to give a little, like sleeping in and maybe the cakes and following celebrities on Twitter. Maybe, but I love celebrities on Twitter. Ha!
Having passion and joy and desire are good things, I just need to slow it down a little bit, and take the elevator when that's an option. And just like the old (ish) Madonna song, I need to remember where it all began and that I have a little piece of heaven waiting for me at home and they love me no matter what.
You know I can TOTALLY relate to this, right? Of course you do. Although I do not have stairs so... ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm jealous you have the old school version of LIFE. We have the newer one and it's just not as good.
"I cried because I was scared and because my elbow hurt and because I realized I can't do it all." <--- this is when I have some of my biggest meltdowns. In fact, I wrote about a very similar feeling today too. :)
ReplyDeleteOuch! Hope your elbow's okay.
ReplyDeleteI have accepted that I can't do it all, and I'm okay with it. I just want to do the things that make me happy.