Being Over 40

Today I am officially over 40. That's right, today I'm 41. Last year I celebrated the big 4-0 with great gusto. I loved everything about turning 40. I was all I own my age and wrinkles and pantylines. I know who I am and I don't need anyone to be okay with it. I was loud and proud. Today however, I'm all eh, yeah, I'm 41 and I'm okay with it.

Here's the thing, I thought I was at this place in life where I knew who I was for good. I pictured myself standing on top of a ship stretching my arms out embracing the world and the future and my place in it like I was Kate Winslet's character in Titanic. My husband, Tim, would play the role of Leonardo DiCaprio's character (Tim is a year younger than me and a bit boyish so I think it's pretty good casting). In my vision, he would stand behind me and maybe rest his chin on my shoulder.  He'd look at me like that's right baby you got this and I love you forever and our life is going to be amazing because you know who you are and we are in love. Ahhhhhh.

Here's the other thing, I hate that movie--it's about a sinking ship! I don't want my life analogy to be a movie about a sinking ship. I mean what the hell? AND I now realize that my idea of turning 40 and knowing who I was didn't mean that I'm done figuring things out and changing my mind and making mistakes and repeating bad patterns and finding totally new adventures and different ways to look at things.

I ran a marathon when I was 36. I trained and lost a ton of weight. Well, I thought to myself, I guess I am a runner now and can eat whatever I want and be thin forever. Well, that's not how that went down at all. I hurt my knee and then my back, I gained weight and well, got older. But it didn't make me a failure. To quote a great older broad, Joy Behar (comedienne extraordinaire and former co host of The View) "So what, who cares?"  I mean maybe I'll run another marathon or maybe I will only do 5K runs forever. I love going for short runs right now, but maybe I won't in a few years. It's okay. Things change. A few years ago I proclaimed that "I hate dogs" and now I have two that I love in a crazy dog-lady kind of way.  I hated Coleslaw my whole life and couldn't figure out how in the world anyone would ever choose to eat it.  Well, on a whim I tried it last year and found out that I kind of love it so much.

Life can be surprising. It is ebbs and flows, highs and lows, good times and really sad, scary times all on repeat. So for today, the day I honor/celebrate/mark turning 41, I am not going to make any proclamations about who I am and always will be and stand on top of a sinking ship with my hunky husband. Nope. Today, I am just going to say that right now I am an anxious, curvy, dancey, mother of four kids (that keep getting taller and more interesting everyday); I'm a lover of sunshine and reality television and tonight I'm going to eat cake and celebrate being alive. 

It's my birthday & I'll dance in my kitchen if I want to! Here's to celebrating getting old (er) and wiser and sillier and here's to more days to dance in the kitchen together. #birthday #dancing #kitchendance

A video posted by Angela Youngblood (@jumpingwithmyfingerscrossed) on Jun 11, 2015 at 5:25am PDT

Here's what I know about being over 40

Here are a few things that make me feel old:

• When doctors are much younger than me.

• Anniversaries of John Hughes' movies. I want people to please stop telling me The Breakfast Club is 30 years old because whaaaat?

• The idea that I have children that are a couple years away from getting a driver's license.

• The fact that I choose sleep over so many other things now.

• And the fact that I don't mind talking about bloating and how to get more fiber in my diet.

• I don't know what channel MTV is.

• When the oldies channel on the radio plays music from the 1980s. Whaaaat?

Here are a few things that make me feel young:

• Wearing high pony tails. 

• Watching Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin kill it in their new Netlix comedy Grace & Frankie.

• The lady that got her doctorate at age 102. (Click here for the amazing story of Ingeborg Rapoport defending her thesis 77 years after the Nazis stopped her from doing it.)

• Bruce Jenner's decision to become Caitlyn at 65. 

• Betty White doing anything and everything.

• Dancing.

• Swinging. (On a swing not in my marriage. I had to add this disclaimer after someone said they thought Tim and I were swingers when she read my blog. Lol. I'm not judging because whatever makes you happy that just doesn't do it for me.)

• Still getting excited about the last day of school and fireworks and movie theaters and concerts.
• Laughing hard.