2015 Was A Hell of a Year

Maybe it's because Wade, the baby of the family, started kindergarten. Maybe it's because Peyton, the oldest of the family, is taller than his dad now. Maybe it's because of the new wrinkles I seem to find on my face all the time now. Maybe it's because time just seems to be moving so fast.  Whatever the reason, I am "beginning to feel the years" now more than ever. I heard that line in a song that I love by Brandi Carlile the other day and it just sort of felt like exactly how I feel.

This past year was full of big stuff for our family. There was a lot of change--new schools, new jobs, new opportunities. It was also a year of intense feelings-- fear, vulnerability, defeat, anxiety and so much joy and hope and love and light.

Feeling the years isn't so bad. It makes me more grateful. It makes it even clearer to me that it's all so fast and changing all the time. Feeling the years is about feeling more vulnerable and strong and wise and unknowing all at the same time. Feeling the years is about acknowledging and honoring aging, and growing and changing and being less afraid of it all.

Looking back on 2015, I'm struck by all the highs and lows-- 2015 was holding my son's hand in the ER not sure if he would need brain surgery, it was holding my husband who was grief-stricken by the multiple deaths at the high school where he is an assistant principal, it was dancing on stage in my old prom dress in front of 300 people, it was waving to my baby as he confidently walked into his kindergarten class, it was deciding that ADHD medication was the right decision for JT even though it scared us, it was going to Graceland, it was driving across 11 states with my kids, it was getting a bad ass tattoo on my arm, it was encouraging my kids, it was binge-watching Netflix, it was holding Tim's hand while we watched our kids jump off the dock into the lake again and again and again, it was trying to find some sort of life balance as a new working mom, it was listening to the Supreme Court decision about marriage equality on the radio while driving with my kids in the deep south and all of us cheering loudly together, it was putting together a trampoline all by myself, it was trying to explain Paris and South Carolina and San Bernadino to my kids, it was exploring New York City alone, it was laughing with friends, it was getting a puppy, and so much more. 2015 was a hell of a year and I'm feeling it all.

This picture is from my instagram feed. This is the caption, which explains why I go on road trips and what I try to remember throughout the year. "Quiet time on the hotel balcony before day 3 of our adventure. Thinking about how much I love my kids and how lucky I am that I have a husband who gets me and my need to go explore a little. And how funny that sometimes the cure for being afraid of the world is going out and seeing that is full of so much good, it really is."

Here's our year in review video with THE song from Brandi Carlile:

A Year In Review-- 2015 from Jumping With My Fingers Crossed on Vimeo.

Here are a few of my favorite pictures from 2015, a hell of a year:

sparklers on my birthday cake every year!