Totally Tired and What I Know For Sure

Here's what I know for sure, I'm tired. I thought I knew tired, I mean I had four babies pretty close in age for goodness sake. But nope, now I am understanding tired in a whole new intimate way. 

Working is kicking my ass. Trying to figure out my role in my older kids' lives is playing games with my head and my heart. Trying to find that ever elusive balance to do all the things I want and need to do is daunting and I get tired just thinking about it.

Last year I couldn't find a part time job anywhere. I went on a lot of interviews. I actually got a job but had to pass on it because I couldn't find childcare for Wade. I was frustrated and discouraged. At the end of one interview the woman asking me all the questions looked at me lovingly and told me "the timing will be right soon, don't worry, it will be okay" and then she hugged me.  

I need a job because as the kids are getting bigger so are our bills.  Last year I couldn't get a job. This year though? I have a few new jobs.  That kind woman in that failed interview was right, the timing is just right now. I am grateful, still mostly broke, happy, a bit stressed and really, really tired.

I also know for sure that I wish there was more hours in a day and more days in a week. I want more time to do all the things that have to be done and things I want to do (like watch TV, I am so behind! Waaaaaa.) and call my brother back (so sorry Jeff, I've become that person, ugh). Also, I think I know for sure that I could use a hug from that kind woman from my failed interview and her to tell me not to worry and that it will be okay. 

Here's what else I know for sure this week:

• I am enjoying seeing who my kids are growing into but man, a part of my heart will always miss when my kids were babies. I truly LOVED these years so much.

Sweet baby JT.

• I suck as a movie fan this year. I started out this school year pledging to go see a matinee once a month on my afternoons off while the kids are in school,  but I only did it once so far. I usually see almost all of the Oscar nominated movies, but this year I have seen ZERO. This weekend I am supposed to see a movie on Saturday and I can't wait. I'm going to see Spotlight.

• Basketball season is in full effect in our house right now. Last weekend all the kids played in all kinds  of basketball games. 

Holy woah, even Peyton played this weekend and I cried from nerves and joy.

The court is JT's happy place.

After all the games were done, they were still playing basketball, duh.

• I don't feel bad about some of the co-sleeping happening at our house right now. Wade has always come into our bed at night, since he was 18 months old. He doesn't do it every night anymore. Soon he won't do it anymore at all. My baby isn't a baby anymore and you better believe I'm going to snuggle with him and love his little kid-ness right now.

• I love this song, and I don't feel bad about this either.

• Listen To Your Mother (LTYM) Detroit tickets are on sale! It's officially Listen To Your Mother season!!!! We don't have a cast yet (auditions are happening soon) but if you've been to our show before you know it's going to be good.  Click here to buy your tickets for the May 1st show.  And watch the video below of our recap from last year's LTYM show in Detroit.

LTYM 2015 from Jumping With My Fingers Crossed on Vimeo.